Ryan Morlok’s Blog

It’s amazing what you take for granted as time goes by. I remember back in high school, just around the time I had received my drivers license, on a few different occasions I was out and about during normal school hours. It wasn’t anything mischievous, one time I think I was going to a doctors appointment, and the other going to a play put on for the school one-act completion. In both cases, I was struck by the fact that I was out and driving around, and how strange it felt to have that kind of freedom and control of what I did with my day.

Fast forward 8 years or so, and now I’ve had that freedom every day for the last 5 years. I don’t really think about it any more, but every time I’m working for a company, I start to realize my lack of freedom. It’s like I’m always supposed to be be “in class” (at work) all day again, and I feel guilty when I go out to take care of errands. I guess that speaks to what type of job I need to have, one that gives me freedom to work on my schedule.

Note: None of the jobs I’ve had have been inflexible, they are totally ok with me going out to take care of my own business, I just still feel guilty doing so a lot of the time

Ruth Thorsell died from cancer this morning. It’s been a really sad past few months to see her go from the life-filled musician she has been her whole life to someone who has been struggling to survive. Katy and my thoughts and prayers go out to the Thorsell family.

The past few years have really brought death back to my life after having it be noticeably absent for my first 20 years. In the past few years my paternal grandfather and maternal grandmother have both died. Our family dog, Minnie, also passed away during that period. Comparing the experiences of these deaths really brings home the fact that dying is often painful. My Grandfather died from a variety of things, including what was later believed to be bone cancer. He had to be in a nursing home for the last few months of his life. Minnie was on a long trek downhill, which started with her going through spells where she couldn’t walk, getting to the point where she was having trouble breathing until we finally put her to sleep.

As a kid, I remember hearing about a pastor’s wife who died from cancer (she was also previously my choir director). At the time, it didn’t sound that bad, but looking back, I’m starting to realize what dying from cancer really means.

Thankfully, my Grandma Hove was the blissful exception. She was a little sick before she died, but it wasn’t anything that required going to the hospital (at least what she was experiencing the weeks before she died). She died quickly in her home, on her own terms, if such a thing exists with death.

Various times, I’ve had discussions about how I’d want to die. That’s a difficult question. You’re always forced to weight the opportunity to say goodbye to the people you love with the suffering that knowing that you are dying brings both you and them. I don’t know how I could make that decision, I guess that’s why it’s in God’s hands.

“We mourn, but not as those without hope.”

Well, a week later and I’m still not feeling completely better. As I mentioned in my last post, I was on an upswing, but then ended up staying at work until 4:00 a.m., and got only about 2.5 hours of sleep. I wasn’t too bad the next day, but I was pretty screwed from that point. I now have the persistent cough with no voice. Voice has been gone for a couple days, hopefully it will return before I have to teach on Thursday.

I have some great ideas for a post about the design of Men’s restrooms (most who know me have already heard about the various ideas). I’m thinking of doing a photo based discussion of the topic, but the problem is you have to find a time when you can safely take a camera in the bathroom. That’s kinda hard, because you don’t want to catch someone in there who might freak out (or perhaps worse, enjoy it).

Got sick for the second time this winter this week (if you can call what we’re experiencing a winter). Thankfully it wasn’t the Nora virus stuff (of whatever Katy calls it) that I had last time. No throwing up, just the usual achey all over with sore throat and fatigue. Good times. I’m kinda on an upswing after I took a couple days off. Won’t be able to get much sleep tonight, though, so I may wake up tomorrow not feeling well.

On a random note, we should be able to see the final results from Katy’s month o’ searching Lindsey Hulit. I’ll post that in the next couple days.